Panic Attacks.

I need to firstly stress just how emotional, how fearful and just how scary this post is to write. It's taking me so much courage to sit and talk to you all especially to share my story with you all and to the rest of the world. It's a post i knew i always, always wanted to compose ever since i started up my blog, i didn't want to be just a beauty blog and i do fully intend on doing other lifestyle related posts especially on subjects like this, i to happen to suffer with and now know a great deal about. I know, just how much things like this helped me and still do, it's a load off to know so many other people do also suffer with this and that you're not alone and are, in fact very normal, i remember feeling so overwhelmed when i discovered it wasn't just me and that it's not all in my head or that i'm not dying, i'm not mental and there's really nothing wrong with me, i'm fine and i'm just human. 



In general i know you may not even get anxiety or suffer with panic attacks, but you could know someone who does a friend, or a relative or even your boyfriend or girlfriend. This, well for me i always find it so helpful and reassuring hearing something from someone who knows something well, so this may help you to know what they feel like, are experiencing or even having to cope with at the time - If you do, like me suffer with anxiety and panic attacks then this i hope, will help you - in many ways, lets hope. This is going to be a long old post and i do apologize for that, but it's something that's not light on the old keyboard, so before i begin i just wanted to stress that, it's going to be a very detailed post so do forgive me for that, but the more you know on something is not a bad thing let me tell you. 




Ok, So What Is Anxiety? Anxiety, Often triggered by stress can effect our whole being, it can effect how we feel to even how we behave making us feel very vulnerable. It's incredibly un-settling most of the time when i'm anxious i'll feel like i'm having a panic attack, when i'm really not as the symptoms are very real, It's very associated with fear but we know what we're fearing but not so sure what and why we're anxious, We're all get this, some more than others of course. Anxiety comes from worrying, well in my case as i'm a huge worrier. Some anxiety is useful because like feeling nervous before a job interview or before a hair cut as it makes us more alert and if you're about to sit an exam it can help with your performance during that exam which obviously isn't a bad thing. It effect's your whole body and your mind too, it can be very scary and very intense some people can get different spurges of anxiety and feel scared, nervous and other's will just be experiencing the milder side from having a stressful day at the office or something and will be able to calm themselves down and go on as normal, others however, like me can then go onto having a panic attack. 



I often find that anxiety creeps up on you, it catches you out when you least expect it to happen to you. It's like being hit by a car as it's so intense it catches you with surprise. It's an awful emotion to feel and although it lies in all of us even if you think it doesn't to you, it does. It just effects us all in different ways. 




The ' Fight Or Flight' Reflex? You may have heard of this term, you may not have. Anxiety and fear aren't always awful as they do in fact protect you from dangerous situations - When your feeling under threat the anxiety and fear trigger releases hormones and adrenaline is released. This causes your heart to beat faster and to carry blood where it's needed, you breathe faster to provide the extra oxygen required for energy. 

The sweating you do is to prevent our-self from over-heating. Mouth's feeling dry because our digestive slows down to allow more blood to be sent to our muscles - our brains also becomes more alert and senses are enlightened. These changes are body amazingly makes are to make our body able to take action and protect us during a dangerous situation either by running away or flighting thus being named the Fight Or Flight Reflex. 





Ok, What Is A Panic Attack?: I can only describe these as a feeling of dying, it's horrible but it's honestly how they make you feel - A Panic Attack Is a exaggeration of fear, stress or excitement. It's a very intense, scary time of build ups of a pounding heart-beat, trembling, shaking, sweating and cold and hot flushes, headaches sickness, stomach cramps, pins and needles, numbness - they're the worst things in the world. 


Although they only last a short while and reach their peak within 10 minutes, i can honestly tell you from experience they feel like hours! And that's because, you can have re-incurring ones that come on again, again and again when in reality they're 5-10 minutes long - Some people, i'm so very jealous may only ever get one or as i like to call bursts of not being able to breathe etc, a mini. Once in their life's and never ever get another panic attack, others like me or you can get them once a month, twice a week, twice a day. 


Panic Attacks, can happen at any time - even in the night or in the very middle of the night. I find these have always happened if my brain is on high alert of if i'm anxious beforehand. Again, down to anxiety the brain detects this and interpets as a sign of danger when in fact, no you're not in danger, it's not a dangerous situation you're led in bed, safe. Night Time attacks are the most frightening ones, as you're half asleep or you're tired, you're even more confused and dazed and helpless to of seen them coming or know when they are.

'I'm walking into town, then the earth shifts to one side, my heart's hammering as if it's about to explode, i'm feeling sick, i'm scared, what's happening to me, my vision is blurred my hands are sticky with sweat'


As well as the intensity of not being able to catch your breath, you can also experience the following symptoms all of these being absolutely physical, you might not get all of these but you may get some but to show you what happens to us, or the person you know that sufferers. 


- Rapid Heartbeat
- Trembling. 
- Sweating, Sweaty Palms & Feet.
- Hot Flushes Then Cold Flushes.
- Numbness Of Hands, Feet & Sometimes The Left Or Right Hand Side Of Your Body. 
- Blurred Vision. 
- Feeling Sick.
- Butterflies In Your Stomach. 
- Pins & Needles.
- Ringing In Your Ears.
- Feeling Faint Or Dizzy.
- Feeling Like You're Going To Die.
- Feeling Like You're Not With It.




What's Your Experience With Them? This is what i've been dreading the most, this is very very personal and quite scary to be honest with you guys. I have suffer with Anxiety & Panic Attacks for 9 whole years, my first one being when i was just fourteen. I can quite place my first ever panic attack, i think where i was so young, scared that i moved on quite quickly and use to forget all about them, or something. 


I do remember times of having them, some of my earliest memories of panic attacks were my school years - i was heavily bullied at school, for everything. I remember constantly being scared and fearful then, even at fourteen years old - Being sat in the school medical room waiting to be collected by my mother, my palms being sweaty and my head thumping and feeling like i was going to throw up, having blurred vision just wanting to be okay, for this to go away being scared wondering what was going on, why was this happening. 


When i have a panic attack, i instantly know what's happening, i then panic to high heavens and i do scare easily anyway, even now at twenty three i tell you they're just as frightening as when i was fourteen. I cry, scream and sometimes i'll think, ' am i dying?' I wouldn't wish panic attacks on my very worst enermy, they're not nice, they're absolutely vile. 

My heads thumping, my hearts racing and i feel like i'm going to throw up but i can't my eyes are streaming with tears, my hands are sweaty, i can't feel the one side of my face, i'm scared - these are just some of the things i have said, or felt during a panic attack. I can't cope, and i tell you i end up feeling absolutely drained afterwards and there isn't a time where i don't think, argh when are you going to happen again. 



My First Ever Panic Attack: I'm not sure what actually triggered my panic attack this day, i remember it being a normal day - although, i could be wrong as bullying for me was a constant factor in my life. I remember being sat in a french lesson, i was sat towards the back of the classroom next to my best friend without a doubt. I remember beginning to feel nervous, butterflies were in my tummy. This over whelming urge came over me where my whole body began to shake, it was strange - terrifying. I wanted to run but i felt physically unable to move - fear or flight - I began to hyperventilate, i remember crying and my friend, i don't remember what she said to my teacher but i felt her lift me out of my seat, everyone had noticed and were staring and whispering amognst themselves, pointing - i felt, silly, embarrassed and frightened, i didn't know what was happening, i was scared. I think i tried to talk but i physically couldn't - the whole side of my face felt numb, i had blurred vision and as we left the classroom i lifted my hand up to feel my face, it felt heavy and like it wasn't mine, i remember struggling to walk, and feeling numb in my leg and limping almost. Crying with absolute fear, of feeling hot and cold and scared, i was seated in the nurses office. 

What felt like hours and hours, sat there on my own - little check ups now and then. Alone, scared my mother turning up and carrying me out explaining to me that my dad, gets them. I remember, feeling like this for the rest of the day into the early hours, i think i had several attacks that night, sat up with my mum hours later with migraines, i did eventually discover that my dad and my family have all had these, it's probably just in my family or something - i promise you now, although i might to get them this bad, i still scare like this and they do sometimes go on for hours, i do experience all of the same symptoms. 




What Does Carl Do? Or My Parents Do, Or My Family? Like i told you, this wasn't going to a brief post, Carl is my boyfriend - he's fully aware of what happens, what i'm experiencing and how i'm feeling when i'm having a panic attack. Carl, importantly doesn't smoother me, there isn't anything worse - although it's obvious he won't make it obvious that i'm having a panic attack, it's horrible and i've had people pointing and saying it, i don't think there's anything worse than that, i'm already aware that it's happening. 


He'll get me a cold glass of water, food - i can't always eat or drink it but sometimes it can help. He'll be there with plenty of support, hugs and space. I can sometimes sleep it off, not always - rare. So he'll put me into bed, we'll sometimes go for a drive, the fresh air can help me and can take me out of the situation i'm already in, that's wonderful - If, my leg isn't numb, most time i do get numbness, we'll go for a walk - so good. 


My Parents, are too - wonderful. They're so helpful, it's so nice and reasuring knowing my dad has them, obviously isn't so good i don't like him getting them, but he can sit down with me and he'll talk me through and make sure i know that i'm going to be fine, 'he's always fine after one. It's only for a short space of time etc'. It's so helpful, he'll hold my hand as will carl and just reasure me, having someone there is so nice, it's never good to be alone during a panic attack as you're not with it, dazed and sometimes - it's never happened to me, but i know people who have passed out during a panic attack. 




After Thoughts & Physiological Effects: Panic Attacks are very draining, they take so much energy and for weeks i've felt tired, drained and it takes a lot to be ok again afterwards even in your mind, i have been and honestly even now, at twenty three fearful, i'll sometimes be on edge, i'll be overwhelmed, weepy and sometimes dependent on other people, i know i was. 

It also stays with you, I feel for me my brain stored this information and every attack i've had, now i can't shake them and will probably get them my whole life. I would worry so much, about everything - i can't say i'd avoid things, i don't think i ever did. Rides, are the only thing that spurs to mind, like roller coasters that go upside down, they truly freak me out - I'd struggle to cope, i'd think when's my next one? Am i okay, what's wrong with me etc? I did however, develop an illness though this - sadly, that was depression. I don't think i ever had a disorder, which you can get. 


I had several attacks before i went to the doctors, they were happening a lot, in the bath, at work - everywhere. I knew something was up, as they weren't ever that often. I don't want to go into too much detail as again this even more personal than the panic attacks so I'll keep this brief. But it's so possible for depression, panic disorders or anxiety orders to happen as it can take over you, it's sometimes very get difficult to cope with, I won't lie. I'm all okay now, but it happens. 

I've previously mentioned about the physical symptoms. When I feel a panic attack coming on or a huge sudden burst of anxiety. I quickly think, right calm down. You're okay, just breathe. If it's a bad panic attack or what I think will be. I'll take myself away from the situation I'm in completely, I'll go for a walk, drive or even try to stick a film on or something. Although, the symptoms can still be happening and you'll be still having a panic attack I've personally found once you control your breathing and remember to not panic as this does, it's so hard not too - but it makes it worse and will make I longer. In my personal experience I've found once you do that. It seems to make the time of having one shorter and less tramatic. 

I always panic once one comes on, I think 'oh no, I'm dying' but I'm not, the symptoms are so intense that honestly you'd be surprised how many forums I've read where people have said those exact words. I think I just think, it's just a panic attack, let it get on with It and it'll go away, it's not you dying you're fine really and you're perfectly normal and you're going to be perfectly fine. 


I need to stress that just because you may get panic attacks you're still human, you're still normal, you're very healthy! You're also not alone. It's actually so common and I remember being so overwhelmed when I had heard that my own dad did to suffer and that people on his side of our family had and do! It's not you, it's just how your body and mind work, if you ever ever need anyone to talk to about this then please feel free to message me.